This past Monday was our second wedding anniversary, so we decided to celebrate with a little staycation at the Omni Hotel, and headed to San Diego for an overnight getaway. Traveling with baby is not the most relaxing experience, but it was still nice to change up our routine and scenery. It also gave us time to reflect on ways our relationship has evolved, how much has changed over the last two years and reconnect away from the daily hassles.
I learned so much about communication and forgiveness from Mauricio, he is such a generous and supportive soul and although of course, we fight and of course things aren’t amazing all the time, (and they weren’t even perfect this weekend), in general, we are happy to share this life together.
I always think about Samantha’s—from SATC— description of a healthy relationship, when she asked whether you’re spending most of the time smiling or frowning, in your relationship. I’m smiling. But, what do we know? We’ve only been together for 5 years and married for 2. So I thought for this post, I’d ask another couple what makes a good relationship work.
But first, a recap of our anniversary weekend in San Diego.
Once we got to San Diego we stopped at C Level /Island Prime. The view was magnificent, overlooking the entire city skyline and Coronado Island. Since we started baby FLO on solids, I took a chance and purchased some Happy Baby pouches, instead of trying to figure out a way to bring along the purees I’ve been making at home, and luckily he liked them. Once he was fed, he was pretty mellow and we got to enjoy a nice lunch.
I had visions of parading around San Diego in all of my new fall outfits, but this was one of the hottest weekends in SoCal, so I had to go right back to my summer faves.
We’ve been taking baby FLO to swim lessons, so we decided to take advantage of the 100-degree weather and check out the pool at the hotel.
Later, we walked around the city a bit and had an early bird dinner—which is what you do when you have a baby crashing your anniversary.
In the morning, we walked around San Diego’s Sea Village and then headed to brunch at Hash House. Their plates are ridiculously large and I’m going to have to spend at least one week juicing for my gluttonous ways. One of these weeks…
Griddled French Toast and Andy’s Sage Fried Chicken w/ Waffles
That was it. Our little mini gateway, with lots of food and walking around, and just like that we are two years in, plus a baby.
My parents on the other hand just celebrated 35 years together this summer. Their marriage isn’t perfect, but somehow they always manage to make it through the storm, stronger together.
So I asked each of them to list three reasons for what they think makes their marriage work. Here is what they said:
1.We really do love each other, and we have fun together.
It sounds so simple. Of course, you and your partner love each other, but do you have fun with your partner? Are they the person you can’t wait to talk to each day, are they your plus one, because you really want their company? Sometimes I worry that Mau and I do not have enough in common. My hobbies are DIY projects and his are surfing, but there are lots of things that we do enjoy doing together, and I don’t enjoy those same things as much without him.
2.We have the same goals in life.
Here mom means that their ambitions and what they wanted to achieve together align. For example, my parents both would prefer to take vacations rather than make expensive material purchases, and being on the same page when it comes to what is most important, like family and money is vital.
3. He is an extrovert and I am introvert
Opposites attract. My dad keeps their social calendar busy, and in turn, my mom isn’t sitting at home. This creates a healthy balance within their personalities and their marriage.
1. She is my friend, and I share everything with her.
As their kid, this sometimes drives me nuts about my parents. They really do tell each other everything, even if it’s unpleasant for the other to hear, and even when I ask one of them not to tell the other. But for marriage purposes, this kind of honesty and open sharing is really insightful.
2. She participates in activities / going out with my friends
Isn’t it cute how they basically said the same thing? My dad appreciates that my mom willingly joins him for things he enjoys. Mau really loves when I come and watch him surf. It’s such a little sacrifice, and I don’t do it enough. I come to the beach, but then don’t look up from my magazine. Maybe I’ll look up more.
I also read that when your partner says “look” or “watch this” and you do, this helps improve the overall relationship because the other person feels validated. We all just want to be reassured that we are loved and that what we say matters. And it matters the most to the one we love. It’s hard to look up from your phone, or to look away from your favorite show, but you should.
3. She doesn’t get jealous and doesn’t question my commitment
In dad speak, this means trust. They trust each other. Trust their commitment, trust what they have built together.
I’m not saying these two have all the answers, but it’s nice to think about the small things that make your other half happy, and the work you can do today to have a long and happy relationship.
Cheers to a very happy weekend everyone.