Last week I was invited to a blogger meet up with some local ladies, and it brought up a lot of thoughts around confidence and personal growth for me. I talked about carving out my own space online for years. But despite knowing that this is what I wanted to do, I made lots of excuses and focused on other things that were safe. I was afraid of being judged. Afraid of being transparent, and open. Maybe even afraid of succeeding. But recently, something changed. Something inside me started brewing and fighting to be more authentic and less fearful of failure. Was I finally finding confidence?
I would love to pinpoint what exactly game me the confidence to move forward with this blog, but the truth is that it is likely a very complex mixture of all the things. Being over 30. Becoming a mom. Having a support system. Reading Big Magic . Having an opportunity to take a beat from a 9-5, reading Big Magic , again.
But mostly it was realizing that we have this very short life and that we owe it to ourselves to get out there and follow our hearts. And then I had an Oprah “aha” moment when a friend, after I’ve been confiding to her for months about being scared said, “Alina, no one really cares.”
She didn’t mean no one cares about me, just that no one really cares whether I’m doing the thing that I want to be doing. No one stays awake at night wondering whether I should be doing it. Just me. Sometimes, we are our own worst critics and our own worst enemy.
This isn’t to say that I am now super confident and have no doubts. Because that wouldn’t be true at all. There are days when I feel silly, days when I wonder why I am writing and blogging at all, and days when I wonder if this is just another project I started that I will eventually abandon.
It’s also incredibly hard not to compare. Hard not to dwell or be negative. Hard to avoid measuring your success by others. But there are days when I am really proud of the content I’m putting out. And also, incredibly touched by messages, texts, calls, and comments I receive from you guys, reading.
I’m so grateful for everyone who takes a few minutes out of their week to visit my blog, and then to also reach out. It means so much, especially when I’m having one of those days.
That’s why the old me would have never gone to a meet up for bloggers. I am hardly able to say, “I am a blogger,” without following it up with a dismissive comment, or making a joke. But turns out, I am a blogger who went to a very nice event, with a very sweet group of women who fearlessly all shared their own fears and insecurities.
Thank you for going on this journey with me. I’m incredibly excited for all the wonderful things on the way and all the great opportunities and open doors that I have pushed my way through. Cheers to following your passions.
Here are a few photos from the SoCal Bloggers meet up
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//The SoCal blogger event was sponsored by some lovely local shops. The delicate flower arrangements were made by Perfect Petals and Decor, the gluten-free and ultra cute desserts were created by Sensitive Sweets, and Soft Goods provided the amazing space. Sandra from Charmed Crown Blog and Taylor from Uniquely Taylor Made were our gracious hosts. Photography of the event provided by Faye Claire//